Man, oh man. Nothing puts me in a better mood for the weekend than a fabulously ridiculous Florida crime story. This tale comes from Orlando, where a woman walked into the community gym of her apartment building only to find a fellow tenant named Kerry Haynes riding one of the exercise bikes…fully nude.
When asked what he was doing, Haynes responded: “Working out.”
Well, duh. Swimsuit season is on the way, folks.
To make matters even better, Haynes completed his workout regime by urinating in the community pool and then lying down in the grass to masturbate. Don’t we all end a good work out that way?
He was subsequently arrested for disorderly conduct, indecent exposure and just being a really shitty neighbor.
Bless you, Florida.